Monday, January 17, 2011

Patience is a Virtue (I Lack)

Ever get that feeling, in your gut, where you think you've found the perfect moment for something?  A kind of euphoria takes over, and as Warren Ellis said, "You could shag a million nuns and destroy their faith in Christ, from your chair."  But then - tragedy - for whatever reason, you suddenly have an inability to execute.  You listened to someone who told you to wait, or circumstances changed suddenly, or it snowed.  Whatever.  Then, you start to think the perfect moment has passed you by.  And you start frantically analyzing all other moments, wondering if you've completely missed your shot or if another moment as perfect will come along, and then the worrying and the obsessing all coalesce into omfgmusttakeactionnowbecauseimissedit.  And then, you realize that instead of being patient and waiting for the right moment, actually you've acted in what could quite possibly be the worst moment.  That's me.  Most of the time.  ((Sigh.))

As much as life has been a joy lately, it has also been a challenge.  I forget sometimes, because I was lucky enough to come to NC with a ready made social circle, that I am still building a life here.  And that if I intend to stay, the blocks I lay need to be solid (and made of a substance fine enough not to embarrass me in front of the neighbors).  Every behavior counts.  Every day I should ask myself - "Who do you want to be today?" - and the answer should always be "The best possible person I can be."  Aspiration is all well and good but without execution is worthless.

Tiredness has captured me and into her prison of sleep I shall go.

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